Arkansas Struggles to Deal with Hundreds of Children Illegally Crossing Border from Missouri

A government report released this week shows that enormous walls, rabid coon-hunting dogs, venomous snakes, and other obstacles erected by the Arkansas Immigration Department are doing little to prevent hundreds of unaccompanied Missourian children from illegally crossing the border into Arkansas.

The immigration department’s controversial response to the crisis has been met with criticism from residents of both states. In a recent poll, 100 percent of Missouri residents and nearly 60 percent of Arkansas residents said they opposed the use of tetanus and dangerous animals to deter the children.

“These kids are fleeing what are essentially third world conditions,” Arkansas native Barbara Tompson said. “There’s the rampant government corruption, moonshine cartels, a confusing state motto, and an educational system that’s severely lacking. It’s no wonder the children can’t speak English.”

Sympathy held by those like Tompson falls on deaf ears when it comes to the Arkansas Immigration Department’s director, Patrick Scaggs.

“I’m sick of all the bleeding-heart liberals meddling with the security of this state,” Scaggs said. “We can’t use rusty barbed wire, mutant poison ivy, or genetically engineered wasps? Fine. Get ready for a mile-long line of 10-year-old Missouri punks lining up for your job.”

It has not been determined just how many Arkansas jobs can be performed by 10-year-olds, but the Arkansas Department of Child Labor is compiling data and preparing a report on the subject. Initial findings show a higher than expected average.

The migrant children who have made it past Scaggs’ security measures are largely being shunned by communities along the border. Many of the angered residents have suggested that the children should be shipped to Sugar Loaf Mountain, an island in the middle of Arkansas’ Greers Ferry Lake, but this would directly interfere with Sen. Jason Rapert’s plan to use the island for an LGBTQ containment area.

Until permanent arrangements can be made to house the young immigrants, they are staying in tents in state parks. This decision has sparked the rage of many Arkansas parents who say that the government should pay for their children to live in makeshift shanty towns before giving the same opportunity to immigrants.

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Arkansas Struggles to Deal with Hundreds of Children Illegally Crossing Border from Missouri