The US Department of Commerce has uncovered that a large number of Arkansas public schools are involved in an international black market trading school supplies.
Officials from the Department of Commerce in partnership with the State Department completed a year long investigation on the origin of a number of American school supplies that have found their way into the hands of terrorists abroad. In 2012 the State Department found that over 95% of craft and writing supplies used in making anti-American signs, ransom letters, and propaganda were originally sold to US students.
“We began performing chemical analysis on much of the glue and studying the cut angles made by scissors,” State Department spokesperson Howard Scotch tells us. “We found a positive match for school supplies sold in the south east United States. At that point we knew we were dealing with black market trading so we handed it off to the Department of Commerce.”
Officials began reviewing school supply lists and became shocked at the large number of popular terrorist art supplies on many Arkansas school lists.
“I thought it was a little strange to see 86 glue sticks and 114 #2 pencils on our 8th grade son’s school supply list,” one local parent tells us. “When I saw 8lbs of glitter and 26 packs of assorted color markers for his Algebra class I began to get really suspicious.”
The Arkansas Public School Association has refused to officially comment on the news. In an internal memo sent to many schools the association says they are committed to “finding unique funding sources to fix the deficit present in Arkansas’ schools”. The letter goes on to say that “what has happened is a temporary setback” and that schools should “continue holding back chicken nuggets and spaghetti to sell to Olive Garden.”
All Arkansas public schools are placed under an international trade embargo for 5 years. Any school officials found to be guilty of trading will be forced to sit in State Department detention and write “I will not sell glue sticks to international terrorist” 3,500 times on each school chalkboard.