Little League Player Tests Positive For Steroids
Caleb Moore, first base player for the Little Rock Junior Deputy Marlins little league team, has tested positive for receiving human growth hormone (HGH), a banned substance in the Junior …
Russian President Spends Hours Fantasizing About Ukraine Invasion on Google Maps
MOSCOW – Russian President Vladimir Putin today revealed he often sits at his desk for hours “just, you know, messing around with” Google Maps. The free mapping service from U.S.-based …
Herpetologist Suffers Conspicuous Cold Sore Outbreak
HUNTSVILLE, Ark. — Janet Garrison, a herpetologist with the Arkansas Game & Fish Commission, recently suffered a devastating viral outbreak on her upper lip. Caused by the herpes simplex virus, …
Fayetteville Bids to Host 2024 Winter Olympics
FAYETTEVILLE – Fayetteville Mayor Lioneld Jordan today announced the creation of a committee to formally bid to host the 2024 Winter Olympic games in Northwest Arkansas. “Winter never seems to …
Russellville Police Investigate Reports of Glowing Man
Russellville area residents have reported witnessing a naked, glowing man in the vicinity of Nuclear One. The Russellville Police Department conducted a search of the area after several reports in …
LR Marathon to Spice Up Race With Random Cups of Vodka
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — In an effort to spice up an otherwise long and bland road race, Little Rock Marathon organizers today revealed plans to place random cups of straight …
Razorbacks to Expand Seventh-Inning Stretch With Seventh-Inning Yoga Class
FAYETTEVILLE – Arkansas Razorback baseball coach David Van Horn announced today that all Diamond Hog home games in the 2014 season will feature an expanded seventh-inning stretch, which will include …
Ukrainian Parliament Names Interim President Following Chicken Kiev Scandal
KEIV, UKRAINE – The Ukrainian Parliament voted today to name Oleksander Turchynov as the Interim President following the removal yesterday of former President Viktor Yanukovich. Turchynov had been the speaker …
Obamacare applicant misdials number, connects with ‘soul mate’ instead
A college student trying to enroll in Obamacare accidentally dialed the wrong phone number, instead reaching a love line where she met and fell in love with a trust fund …
Russian-Made Olympic Medals Contain Lead, Arsenic, Asbestos
SOCHI, RUSSIA — Olympic officials announced today that Russian-made “gold” and “silver” medals have been found to contain harmful levels of lead, arsenic and asbestos. An investigation revealed that the …