Benton and Bryant to Settle Salt Bowl Tie with Dildo Fencing Competition

SALINE COUNTY — Athletic officials from Benton and Bryant high schools announced today that the football teams from both schools will participate in a dildo fencing competition to determine the winner of this year’s Salt Bowl.

The Salt Bowl, an annual football game between the two rival schools, ended in a 14-14 tie for only the second time in the long history of the rivalry. Official Arkansas Activities Association(AAA), the governing body for high school sports, rules state that non-conference football games ending in a tie will not settle the tie in overtime.

“Mike (Lee, Bryant athletic director) and I approached the AAA board about settling this game with a special overtime, even if it was not official,” Benton athletic director Randy McFarlin tells us. “They said that they cannot grant an overtime and that rules also explicitly forbid an unsanctioned football game. The only option they gave was to settle it in another sport. So Mike and I got our heads together and decided to come up with another solution that would be more fun for everyone.”

The two athletic directors decided to hold a fencing competition in the Target parking lot at the Alcoa Exchange, which both cities border. The fencing competition will use large adult toys in place of the traditional sword fencing following recent events leading up to the Salt Bowl. Officials say that a large number of pink dildos were anonymously donated for the event, reducing the overall cost of crowing the Salt Bowl winner.

“We are going to do this fair, we will match up each position for the fencing. So our starting QB will face off against their starting QB and so on,” Bryant athletic director Mike Lee tells us, “We ran a quick practice this morning. The funniest thing I have ever seen in my life is a couple of 280 lb linebackers swinging 24 inch pink dongs at each other. This should be fun.”

The Salt Bowl Dildo Fencing competition will be held this Saturday, September 13, at 6 pm in the Target parking lot. Fans of both teams are invited to attend. Refreshments by Hot Rod Wieners are available for purchase.