Bruce Pennington Announces Campaign for Saline County Sheriff

BENTON – Former Saline County Sheriff Bruce Pennington today announced his intentions to run again for his former position.

Pennington began sending notices to media this morning to “meet me in the Denton’s parkin lot, I’ve got summthin I wanna announce to y’all”. Pennington then announced to a small gathering of reporters and fans from the hood of a stolen sheriff’s car his desire to reclaim his former position.

“Guess what bitches, I’m back!, ” Pennington began. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and after all night of drinking I have decided that I am going to take back the sheriff’s office this year. I am running for re-election, or whatever you call it when you are forced to retire and decide to take your old job back. We are going to take this county back and restore dignity.”

Shortly into Pennington’s announcement speech a number of officers from Benton Police Department and the Saline County Sheriff’s office arrived to retrieve the stolen vehicle, which was littered with several dozen bottles of Jack Daniels.

“I am probably going to have to go with these guys in just a minute,” Pennington continued upon the officers’ arrival. “But know that we did some great things together. Grant it, we probably shut this place (Denton’s Trout line) down, but I am sure there were some other things we did worth doing again. Vote Pennington in 20 …. whatever the hell year it is.”

Pennington voluntarily  entered custody after asking, and being denied, to drive the stolen police vehicle to jail.

Pennington is expected to be a top candidate for the position along with Kevin Cooper who was fired from the Sheriff’s office earlier this week. At least 27 other candidates have expressed interest in the position including 14 current inmates in the Saline County jail, 3 individuals who do not live in Saline County, and 2 rich Nigerian uncles.


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Bruce Pennington Announces Campaign for Saline County Sheriff