Arkansas Game and Fish officials are reporting that recent tests show the Buffalo National River to contain extremely high concentrations of low quality beer. The study on the river’s water quality comes after reports of fish and wildlife acting erratic along several popular stretches of the river.
The river is a popular destination during summer months with thousands rafting and floating every single week. A large percentage of the river goers bring large amounts of low quality beer to the river to drink as they drift down stream.
“It appears that a large portion of the beer brought into the river is being spilled while people are on the river,” the Game and Fish commission’s spokesperson Stephen Alexander tells us. “One beer here, another one there is not that bad. When you have hundreds of people spilling beverages, losing entire ice chest, and even at times just pouring beer out for fun, it starts to add up.”
Signs of the growing problem began last weekend when hundreds of fish were seen along the banks with discarded cigarettes in their mouth following a large out of season spawning period in the river. Later in the week a number of river turtles were seen walking in zig zag patterns and vomiting on the shore.
Water quality tests show popular portions of the river to contain up to 3.5% contamination of beer. Chemical analysis reveal the contamination to come mostly from lower quality brews from the Milwaukee and St Louis regions.
Biologists state that as long as the incoming levels of beer can be controlled the river should clear up after the end of the summer. Officials are asking river goers to consider using spill proof sippy cups while floating the river until after labor day weekend.
37 Comments
I, being from Wisconsin, asked Mz Kat about this problem. She said she knew of a few good things to come out of Milwaukee and “It’s not all about beer.” She asked me did I think it proper that ” fish could be seen with discarded cigarettes in their mouth or should it be their mouths?
Do you realize how much beer that would be? Smells kind of fishy to me. If this is the best AG&F come up with to spend on this study?
Start bringing more Pearl and Lone Star.
Good one, guys!!!
seems like the fish are getting drunk but the cigarettes are what’s killing them!
Nice….
Pouring beer out for fun? That just isn’t right! lol!
that’s cute, like a sippy cup and a coozie together.
and that way you pour the whole beer in there,
it stays good and bug and water free and coldish.
and you can throw your can in a bag right away.
like you’re “making” your beer.
Seriously?
It appears cheaper because it has already passed thru the kidney degrading the beer
hahahahaha Could be redneck pee…..
Why are spill proof cups a suggestion and not a requirement?
party foul.
party foul.
One would think that under the circumstances, a likely source of the beer originates from passing only slightly filtered, thru marginally functioning Arkansan kidneys…..
One would think that under the circumstances, a likely source of the beer originates from passing only slightly filtered, thru marginally functioning Arkansan kidneys…..
Hilarious!!! They’ve mistaken this for the Elk River in Missouri!lmao
Hilarious!!! They’ve mistaken this for the Elk River in Missouri!lmao
B S!
I think Mr Henderson has been consuming with the fish and turtles.
Just ban it, for the sake of the river, the fish, the wildlife & other canoers
An ignoramus with too much time on their hands and attempting to be a comedian wrote this ‘National Inquirer’ level reading material.
Brilliant advertising!
And to think people was worried the hog farm would ruin the river lol
Either these scientist’s equipment is broke or their brains are! The guage at St. Joe is 91 cubic ft per sec. That’s 680 gallons per sec. 3.5% of that is 23.8 gallons of beer a sec, or 1428 gallons of beer a minute. If for some really amazing reason there would be 100000 people on the river, they would each have to drink almost 2 12 ounce cans every minute to keep it up. That my friends, is a lot of beer.
Either these scientist’s equipment is broke or their brains are! The guage at St. Joe is 91 cubic ft per sec. That’s 680 gallons per sec. 3.5% of that is 23.8 gallons of beer a sec, or 1428 gallons of beer a minute. If for some really amazing reason there would be 100000 people on the river, they would each have to drink almost 2 12 ounce cans every minute to keep it up. That my friends, is a lot of beer.
Rock City Times is a satire news organization according to their own website.
Better not flow through Wisconsin!
I think they need to test ehos seeing zig zaggin turtles lmao
Wow this is just too funny but sad at the same time.
I think it may be the men pissing in the water after consuming large amounts of beer. Just can’t see them pouring their beer out just for fun. Guys are stupid but not THAT stupid!
I KNOW those weren’t cheap cigs.
Can’t wait to go floating and seeing beer drinkers out with their sippy cups…
I had a snapping turtle ask me for a rolling paper.
Funny. That pic is of the Buffalo River @ Steele Creek. It’s a dry county and all the bootleggers sell Busch.
Can I be baptized in the river?
nothing new, we knew this before the feds stole the river. The Hymm Lets all go down to the river, has other meanings.