FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. – Arkansas Highway Commissioners unveiled plans today for a high-speed bullet train connecting Fayetteville and Fort Smith. Upon completion, the train will be capable of reaching speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour, completing the 54-mile trip in approximately 15 minutes.
“The economic impact of this project cannot be understated,” said Highway Commission Chair Michael Bluthe. “We are expecting tens, perhaps dozens, of people to use the train daily.”
At the northern end of the line, a glass-façade station will be constructed on the downtown Fayetteville Square. The southern terminus of the line, in Fort Smith, will be constructed on Garrison Avenue between La Huerta Mexican Restaurant and Midnight Rider Tattoo.
Although construction is scheduled to begin this summer, the project remains controversial.
“This is your typical government boondoggle,” said one Fayetteville resident. “Unless you were born there, or you play in a cover band, no one goes to Fort Smith.”
At a cost of $8.5 million per mile, the 54-mile train line will cost taxpayers an estimated $500 million, including an additional $42 million earmarked for the construction of the two stations at either end. Federal highway funds will provide twenty percent of the total cost, with the remainder coming from Arkansas taxpayers.
According to Fort Smith resident Richard Smelter, the bullet train will be worth the cost and the wait.
“You had me at ‘bullet’,” Smelter said.
In order to stay within the budgetary restrictions, the new track will be constructed on the southbound lanes of Interstate 540. All vehicle traffic will be re-routed onto the northbound side of 540.
Officials downplayed the potential impacts to vehicular traffic.
“Remember Highway 71?” said one official, speaking on condition of anonymity. “It’s still right where we left it.”
According to officials, a round-trip ticket is expected to cost $324.
14 Comments
Please just don’t make just for Faytown and Forth Smith. Think of it like this guys! Making it connect through a lot more places would bring a TON of money! yes it might cost a little extra at first.. BUT think of all the revenue from people that would rather ride the train than use a car. For instance, I live in Gentry, Arkansas and I love to skate with my friends in Bentonville, Rogers, and Fayettevile. I usually go about once or twice a month because of gas prices and safety reasons.. but if this was built, I would go at least twice a week to these places, and spend my money in there. making more revenue for other people in towns and then to the city all together. It will take a while but it would pay off!
Wow I just now realized this is a satire. Man this is bumming.
Wow I just now realized this is a satire. Man this is bumming.
Arkansas’ 2nd most “Unreliable” news source. One of my fav. sites to visit.
Too good to be true. Our state needs some decent mass transit.
Too good to be true. Our state needs some decent mass transit.
Too good to be true. Our state needs some decent mass transit.
“Highway Commission Chair Michael Bluthe”. Very nice 🙂
“Highway Commission Chair Michael Bluthe”. Very nice 🙂
“Highway Commission Chair Michael Bluthe”. Very nice 🙂
LOL. Juan you can’t be serious that you really believed this at first!
The sad part of this spoof is that we have many going green bureaucrats in Federal, State, & Local Governments that would use the money meant for roads on stupid sustainable development projects.
Hahahahaha! I don’t think the government would be stupid enough to even consider such nonsense, and that’s saying something.
Hahahahaha! I don’t think the government would be stupid enough to even consider such nonsense, and that’s saying something.