SOCHI – Officials with the USA State Department and the Canadian Citizenship and Immigration department announced this morning that they agreed upon a formal, binding bet regarding the Olympic semifinal mens hockey game between the two countries.
Details of the wager include the loser granting citizenship to both Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus, plus promising to restrict travel of both individuals outside of the country for the next four years.
“The fact is that both of our countries have produced shameful embarrassments between the 1992 and 1994,” Canadian citizenship minister Chris Alexander says. “Fortunately we both produce excellent hockey teams. We should take a moment to extol their achievements while dumping off our baggage on the lesser country.”
Transfer of citizenship and travel restrictions go into effect immediately following the hockey medal ceremony on Sunday. Both Bieber and Cyrus will perform a concert for the loser’s national team tonight following the game, and travel with the team to cheer them on during the bronze medal game Saturday.
Other bets made include a two-year contract to convert either all motorcycle police or mounted army to the other depending on the loser. Additionally if either team wins the gold medal the other team will take the city of Detroit.
“Overall I think the bets are an excellent way for us to encourage healthy competition between the two countries without bombing each other,” Secretary of State John Kerry says in a joint press conference. “The last time we had a bet this big one of us got Alaska. We are 1-0, about to make it 2-0.”
Both sides rejected a bet that would send either Toronto mayor Rob Ford or New Jersey governor Chris Christy to the losing country. While both sides liked the initial concept, it is feared that the overall weight of the punishment to the loser would be more than either country could support.