CONWAY – The city of Greenbrier disappeared overnight, apparently falling into a mammoth crater which was formed due to the natural gas extraction method known as ‘fracking.’
“It’s all gone,” lamented Billy Jud Hollis, a citizen of nearby Conway. “The Harps. Same Ole Joe’s Pizza. Everything is just gone.”
Scientists with the U.S. Geological Survey believe the crater formed when vast underground chambers collapsed, pulling the city and all of its 8,000 residents beneath the earth.
“We all knew something bad was going to happen,” said Conway mayor Tab Townsell. “But it could have been much worse. It could have been us.”
The city’s instability can be traced back to fracking. Shortly after petroleum companies began fracking in the area, Greenbrier was wracked by thousands of earthquakes. The quakes grew in frequency and intensity until the Arkansas Natural Gas Commission demanded all fracking be halted in the Greenbrier area.
But according to scientists, it seems likely the damage had already been done.
“Apparently by the time they stopped fracking around up there, the subterranean structure beneath Greenbrier had already been compromised,” said USGS researcher Harvey Simpson. “The devastation is beyond comprehension. It’s a big fracking mess up there. We are just hoping the same thing does not happen to Greers Ferry”
16 Comments
Yeah right lol….
Regrets to Greenbrier but that’s the price of progress. A few must suffer for the good of all. As for Greers Ferry, not to worry. We have our own “Chicken Litle” up here working on a scheme to “SAVE GREERS FERRY LAKE”. It is understood by some to be a large Cork to stick in the bottom of The Lake.. Others have suggested where else it should be stuck. For most — bring on The Fracking.
as comin from the 2nd most unreliable news as stated above !! people should think about others before posting bs because alot of family and friends freak out over hearing stuff like this even for how untrue it is !
I could be really mean and say….. (Vilonia wishes…..) LOL
As someone already said, I wish you hadn’t have posted this. I freaked out for a second before I saw “2nd most unreliable news source”. My family is in greenbrier. I’m from greenbrier. Posting bull crap isn’t funny when others might see this and think it’s real.
This is hilarious!
Woop Woop!!! As a citizen if Greenbrier We Ain’t got time for that!!! Lol!!!
It’s not a satire site’s job to self-censor because some idiot might not get the joke. I live on Greenbrier and I think it’s hilarious, but I would be sad if there were no more Same Ole Joe’s.
For those of you who freaked out and thought it was mean…stop and think for a minute when you read an absurd headline like this. Do you really think an entire town could disappear and the first you’re hearing about it is on FB? Lighten up people.
Lol awesome.. Joking aside what about the thousands of earthquakes before the oilfield moved in?
Lol awesome.. Joking aside what about the thousands of earthquakes before the oilfield moved in?
enquirer?? which I don’t bother reading
Oh.. Well if Wikipedia says it’s true.. It must be. Hahaha so the usgs site recording earthquakes as early as 1811.. Did we FRAC then? Or maybe it’s the fact the north east part of Arkansas sits on a seismic zone. Lol thats like saying.. Of I wear a red shirt and put my hand in a boiling pot of water.. I burned my hand because I wore a red shirt.. DONT WEAR RED SHIRTS!
And “deep waste disposal” didn’t say anything about “toxic FRAC fluids” Industrial waste can come from many sources. I’m not defending any of it.. Just saying there has always been problems in the area.
At first I was very confused by this. I live in Greenbrier, Ar, and am alive and kickin’ so you can see my dilemma when I read this lol Then I realized it was a satirical essay. I stopped looking at it for facts, because I knew my town didn’t come crashing into the ground…I think this story is supposed to speak what could happen if the fracking in this area doesn’t stop. Just saying, another way to look at it…
So fake I live right by harps in greenbrier lol