The United States Congress today announced that they will begin giving most federal employees a surprise vacation beginning tomorrow as a reward for their hard work this past fiscal year.
The vacation impacts most federal workers and officially begins one minute after midnight tonight.
“Our federal employees are some of the hardest working individuals in the country,” Representative Tim Griffin of Arkansas tells us. “Sometimes there is no better reward for a job well done than a few days, or weeks… or maybe even months, of rest and time with your family. A lot of you worked hard to make sure Obamacare got off the ground, now we want you to sit at home for a while and think about how good of a job you did. ”
Speaker of the House John Boehner says that members of congress and the president will manage the government while everyone is out on vacation. “Sometimes the bosses have to take over, I think we can hold down the fort while everyone is out. You can count on us.”
The speaker tells us that unfortunately the vacations will be unpaid, however they will not restrict vacationing employees from pursing outside employment during their away time. Congress did provide a list of suggestions for how government employees can spend their time.
- Catch up on past episodes of Breaking Bad, Veep, and House of Cards.
- Visit a museum… as long as it is not a federal museum.
- Take a swim in the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool now that there are no federal employees to guard it.
- Call your mom. Seriously she wants to hear from you.
- Start your own meth lab and begin Breaking Bad season 6
Members of congress will begin sending out letters this afternoon to all federal employees thanking them for a job well done, and that they hope to see them later this year… or maybe next.