Benton, AR — Contractors demolishing the former Lincoln Square shopping center in Benton have uncovered 793 bodies buried in the foundation.
Authorities say the bodies appear to be from a large group of supporters attempting to pass a law that would approve the sale of alcohol in Saline County during the 1976 election. All of the bodies were found with campaign pins that read “Get Wet in 76”.
“Every time we have a strong movement to change Saline County into a wet county all the supporters mysteriously go missing shortly before the election,” Saline County sheriff’s office spokesperson Pat Harrison says. “For years we just assumed the supporters left town before election, now we are wondering if it is a bigger conspiracy.”
Officials say they are cross checking major construction projects started in election cycles with alcohol sale movements. Initial testing shows the possibility of bodies under the Benton Walmart (1990 election) and the Saline County Airport (2006 election).
“We have always been perplexed as to why every attempt to sell alcohol in Saline County has failed, now we know,” Shelli Russell, organizer of the Get Saline Wet 2014 movement said. “We thought people were just being lazy and not showing up for meetings. Now that I think about it, there have been a few instances of people going to the restroom during a meeting and not return. We decided to check the construction site of the new Benton Town Center shopping center and found over 1,500 shallow grave-like holes dug into the area for the foundation of several of the buildings.”
In addition to the bodies, authorities found the remains of Jimmy Hoffa and over 2,000 McDonald’s hamburger wrappers believed to be discarded during campaign stops by Bill Clinton during his 1976 Attorney General race.
*photo via Matthew Carroll
Editor’s Note: This article like everything we have ever written is completely fake. We want you to read us for humor, not truth. Thousands of people do go missing every year however, if you want to learn more about efforts to find or recover those individuals we recommend you check out the organization Lets Bring Them Home.
77 Comments
Love it.
craaaaaazyyyyy
um Yitza… you know this is fake right
I suppose those bodies were so well preserved because of the alcohol content in their blood. 🙂
I suppose those bodies were so well preserved because of the alcohol content in their blood. 🙂
I suppose those bodies were so well preserved because of the alcohol content in their blood. 🙂
I cant believe this site is allowed to put anything on the internet.
Hahahahaa! Needed this laugh.
Hahahahaa! Needed this laugh.
Hahahahaa! Needed this laugh.
Need check under new jail too
Need check under new jail too
Need check under new jail too
Grow up Cathy
Grow up Cathy
Grow up Cathy
Wtf liar
Stupid site hope I never have to read crap like this again
Do you know how much of mainstream media is a lie? I like this site perhaps it’s to show “don’t believe everything you read”. Educate yourselves on the shit you read everyday that you think is “truth”!!
Do you know how much of mainstream media is a lie? I like this site perhaps it’s to show “don’t believe everything you read”. Educate yourselves on the shit you read everyday that you think is “truth”!!
Do you know how much of mainstream media is a lie? I like this site perhaps it’s to show “don’t believe everything you read”. Educate yourselves on the shit you read everyday that you think is “truth”!!
NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
NOT FUNNY!!!!!!!!!
Why post fake bull shit like this. Get off face book dumb ass
The factthat people do not realize this is just joke scares me
Omg are people this dang bored.
How do y’all know it’s a joke??
You’re my hero, Greg Henderson.
You people have no idea how heartbreaking a stupid joke like this can be. There are over 600,000 missing people in this country. Their families watch the news every day in hopes of news about their loved ones. A story like this has already brought in inquiries from families hoping that their questions may finally be answered. I understand that most people do not know the devastating amount of missing because media only spends a small amount of their time covering this issue because crap that makes money like Celebrity antics appears to be more important and entertaining. It is truly sad that our the interest in real news has long gone away.
If you had said this happened in Hot Spring County and the bodies were under the courthouse,I would have believed it! lol
If you had said Hot Spring County (Malvern) I would have believed the article! LOL
Haha!! To too funny!! Lmao. Now I know why some of my family went ‘missing’.
Haha!! To too funny!! Lmao. Now I know why some of my family went ‘missing’.
The Onion for Arkansas!!!!
The Onion for Arkansas!!!!
Good for you Brittany.
Good for you Brittany.
they would have to build a Jerry World for MMJ
they would have to build a Jerry World for MMJ
they would have to build a Jerry World for MMJ
I do not moderate much here. You can show your ignorance all you want and not understand that the stories are fake. But do not start attacking others. Congrats to being the first one banned Steve, not that you can read this.
That’s Pretty GOOD !! LOL
U know its a damn crying shame that ppl have to go write some bullshit like this to get noticed well I don’t think this is very professional and he should get into trouble for making up something like this for ppl who could take this serious so sad he had to make jokes of something that could happen never know get real dude !!!! Totally dislike
U know its a damn crying shame that ppl have to go write some bullshit like this to get noticed well I don’t think this is very professional and he should get into trouble for making up something like this for ppl who could take this serious so sad he had to make jokes of something that could happen never know get real dude !!!! Totally dislike
I find your article to be mentally disgusting. If you have ever experienced such a tragedy of a missing loved one, you would have never written such trash. This article only gives false hope to those that are actually missing someone in Saline County. Shame on you for displaying falsificationsin public and in electronic media. You should be banned for such ignorance.
I find your article to be mentally disgusting. If you have ever experienced such a tragedy of a missing loved one, you would have never written such trash. This article only gives false hope to those that are actually missing someone in Saline County. Shame on you for displaying falsificationsin public and in electronic media. You should be banned for such ignorance.
I read it on the internet it must be true.
Here’s hoping that the dummies that keep trying to usurp majority vote by throwing this issue back in our face every few years will crawl under the cement mixer spout when they put in the new service station. The stupid “private club” liquor licenses need to be revoked, too. It’s just a legal loophole around the law. If the public wants it to be a wet county… they’ll vote it to be a wet county. If not, it’ll remain dry. The law is the law.
Kinda got me. I was like shit I found a reason to go to Benton. Wait that didn’t happen. Damn you!
Kinda got me. I was like shit I found a reason to go to Benton. Wait that didn’t happen. Damn you!
Not everyone wants their town covered in trashy liquor stores, it’s not like county line isn’t just down the service road.
Guess they found jimmy Hoffa now huh
its really not something to joke about get a life people if this really happened and it was ur fam how would u feel if people mad jokes of it ? not good aye
its really not something to joke about get a life people if this really happened and it was ur fam how would u feel if people mad jokes of it ? not good aye
I don’t see any where , and maybe I am missing it, but this site should have some sort of posting that it is a faux news site.. This post was really alarming to me considering todays society of killing sprees, non-respect for human life, and lake of conscience.. Getting attention is not that hard, but making up stories of horrible mass murder is morbid and sick! I don’t want to see anything from this site again..
I think your writngs are funny, however it needs to be posted somewhere more visible that this is humour not news, too many people think this stuff is real
I think your writngs are funny, however it needs to be posted somewhere more visible that this is humour not news, too many people think this stuff is real
I think your writngs are funny, however it needs to be posted somewhere more visible that this is humour not news, too many people think this stuff is real
Stop being so dramatic people, it can’t be true because they found jimmy Hoffa hanging out in a compound in Pakistan
there is no telling How many bodies will be found under Dentons trot line.. Just sayin..LOL!
there is no telling How many bodies will be found under Dentons trot line.. Just sayin..LOL!
what an asshole for writing shit like this, get a life and a real job
what an asshole for writing shit like this, get a life and a real job
Haha u got us but not the right topic of choice dude
Haha u got us but not the right topic of choice dude
Roflmgdao
Roflmgdao
For a site that is suppose to be seriously helping locate missing persons, this is unforgivable to JOKE about something like this especially when it is more than a rumor! Idiots! Stuff like this happens all the time.
Fake news!!! Really… That desperate?! And u missed the humor point cuz its not funny…
Fake news!!! Really… That desperate?! And u missed the humor point cuz its not funny…
I like it
Wow cuzz that’s not pathetic or anything.. seriously who has the free time to come up with such Stupid shit like this anyways.. if they are that creative try coming out with a joke that’s actually funny. smfh.. Losers.. [:-|
I have to guess that the people believing 800 bodies disappeared in Benton also believe the story about 800 plus people arrested fighting over a loaf of bread in El Dorado?
This satire is stupid.
Greg is obviously trying to find employment.
If you don’t like it people, don’t read it. I found it entertaining. If you’re offended, don’t expose yourself to something offensive…. It’s that easy people!
That’s my hometown and that hoax was not funny….