Dennis Rodman Named North Korea Minister of Defense

PYONGYANG – North Korea state media is reporting that former NBA star, and supporter of Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un, Dennis Rodman accepted the Minister of Defense position for North Korea in a ceremony held last night.

Rodman replaces previous minister Jang Jong-nam who was appointed to the position in May of last year. Rodman becomes the fourth Minister of Defense under Kim Jong-Un since taking control of Korea in late 2011.

“We are very excited to have Mr. Rodman lead our mighty military force,” Kim said in the English version of the announcement. “Yes, he has no military experience, but he won NBA defensive player of the year twice and All-defensive first team seven times. This gives us a significant advantage with defense. Now America, all your bases are belong to us.”

Officials tell us that Rodman escaped from his alcohol rehab center and traveled to Pyongyang secretly over the weekend and was given expedited citizenship. The state department received notice of the change in citizenship just hours before the announcement.

“This is certainly an unexpected move,” Secretary of State John Kerry said in a press conference regarding the announcement. “It sets relations with North Korea back even further. There is even less hope for any rational thought from the country than before, something I didn’t think was possible.”

The position gives Rodman power over the day-to-day decisions of North Korea’s military and makes him the primary foreign relations contact for the country. Rodman is also rumored to be second in command to Kim, possibly giving him succession power to become the next Supreme Leader.

Kerry later offered to pull all US troops and warships out of the region if North Korea would agree to take New Jersey Governor Chris Christy. North Korea is expected to reject the deal due to low return value.

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Dennis Rodman Named North Korea Minister of Defense