Despite Best Efforts, Man’s Yard Dies Anyway

BATESVILLE–Although the Natural State has experienced springlike temperatures this month, local resident Ernest Green informed sources that the grass in his front lawn remains dry. Green reported to have mowed and watered his lawn consistently throughout the year, yet his lawn continues to look less ¬†attractive than the others in his neighborhood.

In a recent statement, Green said, “I think I’ve spent more time on my yard and garden than anyone else on my street, but their grass is still greener.” Green denies having changed the amount or type of fertilizer or soil products since the beginning of spring.

“I’m just baffled,” Green admitted. “We were getting record lows all week, but my yard still looks like a desert.” In a later interview, Green considered the possibility that one of his neighbors may be tampering with his yard in an attempt to ruin grass quality. “It could be my neighbor Ted,” Green considered. “That guy’s always been jealous of my fishing boat, and he’s home for most of the week. Yeah, that guy’s probably up to no good.”

As of this writing, no efforts on Green’s part has been made to investigate his neighbor’s possible involvement in the case, but he did affirm to having recently purchased night vision security cameras to monitor his home.

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Despite Best Efforts, Man’s Yard Dies Anyway