Exxon Mobile petroleum company today plans for a 200 acre theme park in the Little Rock/Conway Suburb of Mayflower. The theme park will be based on popular water parks and will instead use free flowing crude oil from the nearby ruptured keystone pipeline to feed the park.
The park set to open later this year will include rides for all ages and will be free for a year to residents of Mayflower thanks to a grant from Exxon. Park features include a lazy river, giant oil slip and slide, a pipeline tube ride, and more. Exxon Park officials are also reaching out to BP for a partnership that would name the Gulf of Mexico themed wave pool after the petroleum company.
“At first we thought this was a huge disaster that must be covered up. Then we started watching some of the youtube videos leaking out and felt inspired by the creative ways local residents were using the flowing crude oil for their enjoyment,” the Exxon VP of public relations tells us. “Our executive team went back to the drawing board on how to respond to this. Eventually we felt it would be more of a crisis to take such a wonderful gift from the residents. So instead of capping off the pipeline like originally planned we are going to harness the free flowing oil in to this magnificent park.”
The plans for the park will not be finalized until the passage of HB1042 which explicitly allows for oil companies to claim Eminent Domain over any property relating to oil pipelines. The park will be built in the general area of the subdivision that was at the source of the original leak.
Local residents are excited about the upcoming theme park. “This could really put us on the map. I can see Mayflower becoming the next DogPatch, minus all of the going out of business part” one resident tells us. “This could bring lots of low paying jobs to the city that could really boost our economy. I’ve already got 2 applications in, one for Pete the Pelican mascot and another for managing the log ride.”
Those interested in purchasing special discounted season passes to the upcoming theme park are encouraged to visit their local Exxon gas station.