Jesus Makes Surprise Early Return Visit to Punch Mike Huckabee in the Face

huckabeepunch

Jesus Christ made a surprise return visit this afternoon to Florida to punch former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee in the face. The visit comes following tweets and comments Huckabee made on his radio show this morning about the Messiah’s reaction to Supreme Court rulings in favor of Gay Marriage yesterday.

In a tweet this morning Huckabee took it upon himself to share what he believed was the Lord and Savior’s reaction to the rulings

https://twitter.com/GovMikeHuckabee/status/349911972378181632

“I sat thinking on this all day long. I just kept getting more and more annoyed at these comments,” Jesus tells us. “I even went and slipped some food to hungry orphans to try to perk myself up. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. I rode a cloud down to Florida and I punched that bigot in the nose. I have to say, this whole violence thing can really be a relief sometimes, I feel much better.”

Jesus came out in support of various forms of equality during his last visit which ended roughly 1,970 years ago. Jesus was known for helping such groups as Samaritans, who were shunned by culture at the time, and various gentiles, who were deemed inferior to most Jewish people of the day.

“After all I have done to improve equality, and he says something like this,” Mr. Christ continues. “Who does he think he is speaking for my emotions, even if I was against this I think it would tick me off. I’ve got at least another 25o years before I was ready to come back, but I wasn’t going to let this go any further.”

The two Supreme Court rulings that prompted the original reaction from Huckabee’s reaction came yesterday afternoon in 5-4 votes on the constitutionality of the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA). In the first ruling the court ruled the court said that the federal government must recognize same-sex marriages in states were legal.

Second the court struck down the Section 3 of DOMA, which limited the definition of marriage as between a man and a woman for the purposes of federal benefits, as a violation of the U.S. Constitution’s guarantee of equal protection under the law.

Huckabee was not available for comment, but sources close to the former Governor tell us that his nose will never be straight again.

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Jesus Makes Surprise Early Return Visit to Punch Mike Huckabee in the Face