ARGENTA – Local homeless ministry Canvas Community is seeking donations after it mistakenly fed a large group of hipsters attending a web conference in Argenta yesterday.
Members of the ministry were shocked when they saw a large gathering of what appeared to be homeless individuals outside the Argenta Community Theater. Most of the individuals exhibited classic signs of homelessness inspiring the ministry to react in a large way.
“Here were this group of people with 90’s cartoon tshirts clearly donated from a resale shop, shaggy beards that had not been trimmed in months, and most of them smelled like cheap alcohol. We had to do something,” Ministry leader Carter Ferguson tells us. “There were probably 300, clearly seeking a good meal and a hug. We then rushed across the river to Gus’ Fried chicken and emptied our bank account to feed them.”
The only warning sign about the individuals seemed to be exceptionally nice, but vulgar , book bags carried by the group featuring male and female genitals. The individuals outside the theater turned out to be mostly hipsters attending an annual web design conference called Made by Few.
Conference organizers tell us that they are appreciative of the meal provided by the ministry, but can only return the favor through services to help them raise money to replenish their now depleted bank account.
“The lunch was sponsored, and when we walked in and saw fried chicken I thought it was great. I thought we only had a veggie food truck to feed all these people and the truck was not even there,” conference founder Arlton Lowry tells us. “By the time the food truck showed up most of our people were happy, full, and already drinking more beer. I wish we could pay for the food served, thankfully the ministry has a really awful website that we could redesign for them as part of a competition.”
Another local homeless ministry, The Van, says they are canceling plans to bring 20 portable showers to the area today after news that the supposed homeless people are only hipsters. “They stink a bit, but I guess that is on purpose so we will let them be,” founder Aaron Reddin tells us.