Obama to Include Stop in Harrison During Arkansas Visit to Survey Ongoing Disaster

President Obama announced today that he would add a stop in Harrison to Wednesday’s Arkansas trip surveying damage from the April 27th storms.

Harrison was not impacted by the storms, however the White House says the President wants to see firsthand the environmental impacts causing consistent declines in intelligent thinking to the region.

“Harrison Arkansas is one of America’s largest ongoing disaster areas,” Obama said. “I want to see for myself what is going on here. People on average show 45 IQ points lower than the average American town and for some reason believe it is still 1950. To these people the civil rights movement and any form of modern thinking never happened. My office actually received a telegram addressed to Harry Truman last week asking about plans to end the Korean war, and I do not think they are talking about the one brewing.”

The White House says that the President hopes to allocate resources to conduct an environmental study on the area. Some experts believe that water from Crooked Creek, which runs through town, is a likely source of radiation poisoning of the residents. Other experts believe that the large amount of methamphetamine production and intake in the area is causing irreversible effects on the community.

Early this week a petition to prevent the President from visiting the recent tornado disaster area began online. It is customary for a President to visit a disaster area to before declaring it a federal disaster area and issuing federal aid. The non-political visits began in 1964 and held by every president for nearly every major natural disaster since that time.

“We want to do what we can to prevent the problems impacting Harrison from spreading to the rest of the state,” FEMA director Craig Fugate tells us. “We are considering declaring Harrison a disaster area as well and quarantine the area until we can identify what happened here. Thankfully due to Harrison’s proximity to absolutely nothing this will not be a problem.”




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Obama to Include Stop in Harrison During Arkansas Visit to Survey Ongoing Disaster