LITTLE ROCK – Police are investigating a stolen shipment of extra-large dildos in south Little Rock overnight.
The shipment containing over 8,000 pink dildos ranging in size from 14-25 inches was hijacked around 3 a.m. this morning at the Cupid’s Lingerie warehouse on 65th street. Witnesses say the men armed with machine guns and a rocket launcher took off with 4 of the 5 shipping crates being delivered.
“There were eight men, all wearing masks who approached the truck as soon as I opened the back door to unload the cargo,” delivery driver Samuel Cummings tells us. “They forced me on the ground and tied me up with a bondage kit that was in another box. They checked the boxes until they found the dildos and began loading them into the back of a truck.”
A security person for nearby Carlton-Bates company rescued Cummings after noticing the suspicious state of the truck. No one was injured during the hijacking. Cummings says able to get a glance at two of the thieves before they drove off. According to Cummings one appeared to be bald with a red beard and the other looked curiously like Forrest Gump, but he was not able to see any of their faces.
Police say this is the third shipment of stolen extra-large dildos this month from the area, causing many to wonder if terrorist are behind the stolen goods.
“From our estimation this group has amassed over 35,000 large pink dildos this year alone. We are beginning to dig through historical records to find any other instances of stolen goods,” Little Rock police chief Kenton Buckner tells us. “I can’t personally figure out why anyone would need that many dildos, but it is clear they must be planning a large scale attack with that sort of … um … ammunition.”
Police are advising all citizens with very large pink dildos to hide them under their mattress while not in use in case the thieves begin targeting smaller quantities. Anyone who knows the location of the dildos or the identities of the men sighted are encouraged to contact the Little Rock Police Department.