The British royal family threw down a reproductive gauntlet this week when it announced a baby-making competition with the Duggars, Arkansas’ TLC-famous clan who birthed their way to fame with “19 and Counting.”
While Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have a significant head start, Queen Elizabeth insists that the recent announcement of Prince William and Kate Middleton’s second baby marks a turning point in the contraceptive-crushing showdown.
“The Duggars are much too busy trying to survive the positively dreadful American wilderness to devote time to procreating,” the Queen said. “There’s only so much time for lovemaking when you’re fighting bears with crude stone weapons. Soon we will reclaim our place as the family that’s famous for completely ridiculous reasons.”
Jim Bob Duggar, family patriarch and 2006 winner of the Most Stereotypical Arkansas Name contest, said he is in no way worried about the royal family’s challenge.
“I don’t think those pompous Brits know the first thing about thrusting your way into the spotlight, and I mean thrusting quite literally,” he said. “We beat Honey Boo Boo’s mother at this game, and we’re not going to lose to a crumbling European dynasty.”
TLC is reportedly considering turning the competition into a new reality series that is rumored to have subtle “Dr. Who” references woven throughout its plot.
“Actually the only similarity between this new show and ‘Dr. Who’ is the fact that some of the people will be speaking with British accents,” TLC executive producer Vince Smith. “But a recent poll indicates that 99 percent of our viewers cannot tell the difference between ‘Dr. Who’ and any other show that features British accents. It’s bound to be a hit.”