Russellville Police Investigate Reports of Glowing Man

Russellville area residents have reported witnessing a naked, glowing man in the vicinity of Nuclear One.  The Russellville Police Department conducted a search of the area after several reports in recent weeks.  No one was discovered, but police found evidence of someone camping in the area, which is not open to the public.

“We found warm ashes from a camp fire and several bones from small animals,” reported  Jeff Humphrey, Chief of Police.  “He may be charged with trespassing and if it turns out he is naked he will be charged with indecent exposure.”

Nuclear One generates electricity for Entergy.  Unit One has been in operation since 1974 and Unit Two came online in 1978.  Calls to Entergy were not returned.  There have been no confirmed cases of someone starting to glow as a result of living in the proximity of a nuclear power plant.

“But it could happen,” said Max Flieker, President of the Russellville Sierra Club.  “There have been cases of glowing fish, glowing armadillos, and glowing feral cats.”

The frigid temperatures this winter have caused some concern about the glowing man’s safety.

“I took some of my husband’s old clothes and left them for him, but when I went back a few days later they were still folded in a stack where I left them,” reported Lori Ann Crisp of Dardanelle.  “I thought he might be hungry, too.  Someone told me that with him being radioactive he could thaw food without a microwave oven so I left some frozen dinners for him.  I guess he doesn’t like Lean Cuisine.  He didn’t touch them.”

Others reported leaving clothes as well as coats, hats, and shoes for the man.  All were unused, leading many to question that the glowing man may actually be Bigfoot.  “A glowing Bigfoot?  That’s ludicrous,” said Rick Van Runkle, local Bigfoot expert.  “If he glowed that would make him too easy to find.”

“I think maybe whatever makes him glow makes him warm, too,” said Crisp. “Maybe he’s doing just fine without any clothes.”

 

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Russellville Police Investigate Reports of Glowing Man