Sen. Jason Rapert has announced a new traditional-marriage initiative during today’s special legislative session at the Old State House. The initiative involves moving Arkansas’ LGBTQ population to Sugar Loaf Mountain, a small island he ran across during a recent family boating trip on Cleburne County’s Greers Ferry Lake.
Rapert said he was apprehensive about Sugar Loaf at first, but he now feels the island would be an excellent way to protect the Natural State’s heterosexual population.
“It was hard for me to grasp that there is an island in Arkansas — I’ll be the first person to admit that I am a little scared of things that I don’t understand,” Rapert said. “But when we landed on Sugar Loaf, I was reminded of conversations with friends in which we joked that we should put all the gays on an island, where they can’t do any damage. I am starting to see a trend that most of my best legislative ideas are jokes.”
Rapert said there would have to be some changes made to the island before his plan could move forward.
“I worry that the name ‘Sugar Loaf’ sounds too much like a gay nightclub, so we’re looking into some new options,” he said. “I also feel that Sugar Loaf’s lone peak is a bit too phallic, so I am investigating ways to level it out or at least put some valleys on the place.”
While there has been some opposition to his Big Idea for Gays on Other Terrain (B.I.G.O.T) initiative, Rapert says that Arkansas history shows a successful track record for singling out people who are different and relocating them.
“Take those Arkansas Delta relocation camps they used for Japanese Americans after World War II,” Rapert says. “Do I need to mention how we used train tracks in small towns or interstates in our larger cities to separate people? My new idea isn’t really new — it’s all about protecting the average American.”