EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ –NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell surprised reporters this morning as he announced plans to hold the next 11 Super Bowls in Anchorage, Alaska.
“Contrary to recent media reports, this league is not afraid of the cold,” Goodell said. “We are not scared of a little snow. We warmly welcome the winter weather.”
According to sources close to the commissioner, the league secretly searched for the coldest, snowiest, most bone-chilling stadium available.
“I am looking forward with great enthusiasm to visiting Anchorage Football Stadium each and every year until 2025,” Goodell said.
Although the multi-sport stadium has only 4,500 seats, it ranks among the farthest north among all stadiums with a field large enough to host a football game.
Anonymous sources close to the commissioner said the decision was made due to what Goodell referred to as “sissy quitter talk” with regard to the potential threat of heavy snow prior to Super Bowl 48.
“We go to all the trouble of setting up a snowy Super Bowl,” said the anonymous source, “and then everyone starts bitching and moaning about the weather. Well, we’ll show them what winter weather is really all about.”