NORTH LITTLE ROCK, Ark – Local authorities say they have discovered a large underground temple in the Argenta district of North Little Rock after a sinkhole opened Wednesday afternoon.
The sinkhole was noticed late Wednesday on Melrose circle. The discovery was made after officials with the North Little Rock fire department and local utility companies lowered cameras into the hole, and discovered the large underground room.
“Once everything was deemed safe we decided to go in,” North Little Rock fireman Ben Gates tells us. “We found an elaborate room that contained number of pews, altars, and Macbooks. Also were a number of craft beer cans and to go bowls of local chinese vegetarian dumplings. It appears they were taking some sort of communion and according to many of the design files we found on the Macbooks, worshiping the God of Beards. I think we have finally uncovered one of the legendary Hipster Temples.”
Upon further investigation authorities found multiple references to worshiping the Great Olidus Barba, roughly translated as the great stinky beard. The temple was connected to a series of tunnels and passageways throughout the city, finally explaining how the hipster moved around during the daylight.
Authorities believe there are a number of similar temples throughout the city, mostly in the stiff station and downtown area. There is no word yet on what the city plans to do with the hole, although local residents are requesting it remain open so they can experience the slow rock house concerts on Thursday and Friday nights.