Stray Dogs Steal and Destroy American Opening Ceremony Uniforms at Sochi

SOCHI – Officials with the USA Winter Olympic team have confirmed that their opening ceremony uniforms were stolen by a pack of stray dogs while moving into the Olympic Athlete’s Village.

The loss happened after the luggage containing the Ralph Lauren designed sweaters fell from the transport truck and opened unexpectedly.

“I had just grabbed a couple of my bags and was walking away when I heard a crash behind me,” Olympic Athlete Bode Miller tells us. “I turned around and saw a group of dogs running toward the case. They grabbed our shirts for the ceremony and ran off with them. We found pieces of the shirts all over the city.”

Numerous journalist commented on the high number of stray dogs earlier this week  as they arrived for the games. The dogs were even seen in many hotel rooms and Olympic venues. Sochi city officials announced yesterday that a local pest control control company was hired to kill the the estimated 2,000 stray dogs before the games began.

“This is exactly the type of thing we were concerned with,” Sergei Krivonosov, a Sochi lawmaker who supported the killing, tells us. “Now the Americans have lost their priceless uniforms. They will be forced to wear some ugly outfit that they have to stitch together at the last second. Next thing you know the dogs will start biting all the heterosexual people.”

This is the second major incident leading up to the opening ceremony. Earlier today Russian President Vladimir Putin fell into an open manhole while carrying the official Olympic Flame. Authorities were able to recover the torch but the Putin is still missing.

USA Olympic team officials say they have managed to contract with a local group of elderly women to design new sweaters in time for tonight’s ceremony. Initial samples show that the new sweaters look just as good as the ones originally designed by Ralph Lauren.

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Stray Dogs Steal and Destroy American Opening Ceremony Uniforms at Sochi