LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Paper Moon, a popular central Arkansas strip club, refused service to a mother who was breastfeeding her three-week-old infant in the presence of other customers, who were completely horrified.
“I like to go to the Moon for their chicken wings, and I can’t just leave my little Joe at home,” 32-year-old Martha Pitman explained. “I just think it’s odd that breasts are some big attraction until they go into a baby’s mouth. Then it’s ‘disturbing.'”
James “Vinny” Stevens, owner of the Paper Moon, said it’s really no mystery why Pitman was forced to leave his establishment.
“You can look at it one of two ways,” Stevens said. “Either she’s trying to upstage my girls or she’s just doing something completely unnatural in front of everyone. Nobody wants to see that–you can ask any of my regulars.”
A number of frequent customers were willing to chime in and offer their take on the situation. Mike Maggio, former Arkansas Circuit Court judge and amateur sports writer for the Ignorant Hog Razorback Blog, said he was disgusted by the suckling spectacle.
“All of a sudden this broad pulls out one of her tits and plops it in this kid’s mouth,” Maggio said. “No pasties, tassles, or nothin’. I wanted to tell her, ‘This ain’t some shoot for National Geographic magazine–you can only do that stuff in African tribes and places like that.”
Edward “Dumb Eddie” Biggman, a local construction worker, said he was one of the only customers who wasn’t shocked.
“It’s unfortunate that our culture has stigmatized a completely normal part of motherhood–I call this lactation intolerance,” Biggman said. “Breast milk is filled with many important nutrients, proteins like lysozyme and casein to name a few, that are critical for a growing child. And who am I to infringe on the rights of a new parent?”
Paper Moon has instituted an official no-breastfeeding policy since the incident, although 11 of Little Rock’s 18 competing strip clubs responded by accommodating mothers with designated nursing areas.