Police were called to a Hillcrest neighborhood early this morning when neighbors reported that a local mom of twins began throwing flaming dirty diapers at a group of people setting off fireworks.
The woman, Ernie Orsborn, became angry over fireworks going off in her neighborhood while her two young children were trying to sleep. Records show repeated calls to 311 reporting the firework violators between 8:30p.m. and 1 a.m.
Around 9:00 Orsborn posted to her twitter account: “I mean, if you like fireworks, go to Pops on the River and let us abstained sip our wine in peace as babies sleep.”
Witnesses tell us that sometime around 1:30 a.m. she decided to take measures into her own hands.
“I heard her yell, you want to see fireworks, here you go assholes,” a neighbor tells us. “Suddenly I see her holding a diaper bin and a lighter. She started pulling them out one by one and lobbing them over the fence at a group of drunk men shooting bottle rockets at each other. I sort of wanted to go help her throw them.”
None of the individuals shooting the fireworks sustained any injuries, although several did have large amounts of child fecal matter on their faces. Police say that the men promptly put away the fireworks and apologized to the angry mother. None of the men are pressing charges according to police.
As of this morning several bottles of wine, fresh fruit, and pastries have been set outside Orsborn’s house. Neighbors additionally tell us the men in question have spent much of the morning quietly washing Orsborn’s car, weeding her flowers beds, and pruning her rose bushes while their wives and girlfriends watch from across the street.