FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. — The single mother of a young girl was arrested by the Fayetteville Police Department’s heavily armed SWAT unit after she allowed her daughter to sit outside in a child-sized Fisher-Price car for two hours.
Deborah Vass claims that 8-year-old Jesse Vass thoroughly enjoyed driving the car, a recent birthday present, in their fenced-in back yard and that she was in no danger whatsoever.
“I practically couldn’t get her out of the car,” she said. “When it’s time for her to take a nap, she sleeps in it. She could have come inside the house anytime — I swear I’m not a bad parent!”
SWAT Director Lance Garfield said Vass is just as bad of a parent as Debra Harrell, a South Carolina mother arrested last month for leaving her 9-year-old daughter with a cell phone at a local park while she went to work.
“We had Ms. Vass under our surveillance for some time now,” Garfield said, “and let’s just say she makes MTV’s “Teen Mom” stars look like great parents. Last week she let her daughter walk all the way to the mailbox unaccompanied while escaped convict Timothy Buffington is still running around the state somewhere — what kind of sick mother would leave her child at the mercy of a cold-blooded felon?”
Garfield said it’s his responsibility to ensure that children like Jesse, who live in dysfuctional homes, feel safe and loved.
“We knew the only way to handle the situation was a full-on tactical raid, for little Jesse’s safety and all that,” he said. “So we chucked a few tear gas grenades into the house and yard, used a battering ram on the front door, and handcuffed ‘mom of the year’ in front of her kid. My reward was seeing the kid cry tears of joy.”
Vass said she plans to appeal the state’s decision to put her daughter in a juvenile detention center due to a lack of available foster homes. Garfield, however, said he thinks Jesse will be fine.
“The guys that run our local juvie facility provide the kids with plenty of clothes, food, and materials for making prison shanks to protect themselves from the bigger, tougher kids. Haha! Just kidding about that last part. Seriously, though, this kid is now way better off.”
Editor’s note: seriously though, don’t leave your kids inside real cars during the summer.