Rockstar Games has just announced that the next installment of its wildly successful Grand Theft Auto video game franchise will be set in Hot Springs, Ark. This will be the first title from the franchise to launch on next generation consoles.
“It just seemed like a good fit,” Rockstar Creative Vice-President Dan Houser said. “The crime, the seediness, the tourists—it’s just the sort of hard times, anything goes place that the GTA franchise embraces.” Houser, who keeps a speed boat on Lake Hamilton and regularly flies down from New York to catch shows at Maxine’s Puzzle Bar, noted that Rockstar had been planning a project based on Hot Springs for years. “It’s a city of contrasts. You’ve got tattoo parlors next to ice cream parlors next to really creepy wax interpretations of Jimmy Carter. It’s just the sort of screaming, on-the-nose irony that our audience eats up for some reason.”
The story will involve an Oaklawn jockey who is framed for doping horses. To clear his name, he must explore every nook of the Spa City. Major scenes in the game are rumored to take place at the Promenade, the Mountain Tower, the Arkansas Alligator Farm, and the Arkansas School for Mathematics, Sciences, and the Arts.
Rockstar considered modeling the environment of Bully, its 2006 hit, after ASMSA, but decided that there just weren’t enough students there capable of bullying for the school to produce a convincing mise-en-scène.
Billy Bob Thornton is rumored to provide the voice of the game’s villain, O. E. Allbritton, a drug kingpin who runs his empire out of a set-piece shack along the route of the Magic Springs log ride.
Within five minutes of the announcement, Bath House Row shops had stocked over 5,000 GTA-themed airbrushed t-shirts.
35 Comments
Uh, have y’all been hacked?
Uh, have y’all been hacked?
This seems like an article straight from The Onion.
fake…
I just saw Kevin post this too. There’s no way it’s real!
nope, 5 isnt even out yet, and we didnt learn the setting for 5 til last year, so theres no way theyre gonna say anything this early, plus i just looked at the title for site “Arkansas 2nd most unreliable news source”..
Real
None of the GTA cities are real places. They may be partially modeled after vegas or LA, but they aren’t replicas and are called something different. Like Liberty City.
I have yet to see these fabled airbrushed t-shirts.
hilarity
this has got to be a joke
this has got to be a joke
It’s totally true, I know a guy. Forget about
Wow that’s where I graduated High School….Class of 85 Lake Side High!!!
dam hillbilly!!
LOL Read the About Us for this site haha.
It says at the bottom of this screen…fictional
You can’t airbrush 5,000 shirts in 5 minutes, you nincompoops!
Hang on a second… is this one of those “satirical news sources” that makes a mockery of God’s children?
I have heard that all the vehicles will be DUKWs, and that all the gang members ride skateboards.
I love gta and I live in hotsprings so hell ya.
I live in hot springs and that’s awesome for us to get some publicity
I didn’t
How about ‘Grand Theft Boat’? Local career criminal stole my boat last summer… dropped that sucker right down off the lift in the middle of the night and used it for a lake wide (Hamilton) crime spree… robbing and stealing and stuff. Lasted a coupla weeks until the Lake Patrol run him to ground – literally – in a high speed chase (60 mph plus). Did $10k’s worth of damage to my boat! Perps in jail during 15 years.. seems he was already out on parole for other serious crimes and misdemeanors. Maybe I ought to write a movie script or something.
thank guys 🙂
It didn’t seem like a normal gta story… Plus there’s always three characters story lines. Three characters to play. I do know it will be on the new console and the graphics are going to keep getting better and better. Let’s face it regardless it’s a fantastic game! 🙂
Sorry guys this is what it says at the bottom:
© 2012 – 2013 Rock City Times. The content on here is presented as fictional news with an intent for humor.
Hot springs would be perfect for this game! I live there and you can do a lot of cool things with a average size city like that! It would be a cool change and more realistic to have this game take place in a smaller city! I’d FOR SURE but it…..for Xbox and play station!
Fake as fuck.
I live in HotSprings holy shit! If this is 4real I’m gonna flip.
I live in HotSprings holy shit! If this is 4real I’m gonna flip.
GTA v just came out thus is fake as fuck
I know literally every nook an cranny of this town lived there all my life.. ROCKSTAR GAMES, you would value a person with a life long personal experience. I can give you everything you need.
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I know literally every nook an cranny of this town lived there all my life.. ROCKSTAR GAMES, you would value a person with a life long personal experience. I can give you everything you need.
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I live in HotSprings