New Bill Would Require Arkansas Students to Learn Roman Numerals

LITTLE ROCK – A new bill presented today would require Arkansas students to memorize and exclusively use Roman Numerals before entering high school.

The bill presented by Representative Kim Hendren mandates that in order for children to advance to IXth grade the students must be fluent in the Roman Numeral system. Grades IX thru XII will be required to exclusively use the numeric system.

“Kids these days need to learn the basics of what it takes to survive in the world, they are not always going to have their i-thingies to tell them what time it is,” Hendren said while presenting the bill. “When I was a young kid back in MCMXXXVIII all we had were Roman Numerals to count. By the time I was IV I could count all the way M to using Roman nomenclature. Kids today are growing up stupid.”

The bill is Hendren’s latest in trying to ensure proper education for Arkansas’ students. Earlier this week Hendren proposed a bill requiring students to learn how to count change so that they do not short people while their are working their summer jobs at the soda fountain. Presumably change counting would be impacted by the new Roman Numeral law.

Last month Hendren introduced a bill requiring students to learn cursive writing which passed committee this week just in time for Valentine’s Day. Under the law any student caught passing love notes in class would be expelled if the not was not written in proper cursive after the IIIrd grade.

Many critics say Hendren’s bills will consume valuable education time that could be spent learning more meaningful skills.

“I hear the critics, but understand back when we emphasized these skills Arkansas was ranked XXIII in education, not XLIX like it is today,” Hendren says. “True there were only XXXV states in the union at the time, but I firmly believe we can return to those glory days.”

Hendren says this is the last bill aimed at re-education students that he plans to introduce, however he is working with Mark Martin to establish proper signage around the state capitol to keep the damn kids off the state lawn.