PURCHASE, N.Y. – Just days after Coca-Cola drew criticism over a controversial “America the Beautiful” Super Bowl commercial depicting the patriotic song in a variety of languages, Pepsi has announced that it will fire all its multilingual employees in an attempt to win the hearts of “true Americans.”
John Vanguarde, Pepsi’s CEO, said the termination of the company’s roughly 820,000 employees who “occasionally speak stuff besides English” is expected to drastically increase profits.
“Our competitor’s commercial helped Pepsi discover a large group of potential customers who are ‘ignorant’ and ‘xenophobic,’ but those are just fancy marketing terms for people who want to buy our new ‘Merica-only product,” Vanguarde said.
Chelsea Baytes, a former Coca-Cola drinker living in West Plains, Mo., said she supports Pepsi’s decision.
“I am really not surprised that Coke is un-American,” Baytes said. “Today I looked up ‘coca’ and ‘cola’ in a Mexican dictionary and found out that the company’s name actually means ‘cocaine tail.’ Do you know who has an English name, English workers and a red-white-and-blue logo? Pepsi, my new favorite soda. Sure, it taste like crap, but that is the price for Freedom Juiceā¢.”
Backlash over the Super Bowl commercial has negatively affected both companies when it comes to the South. Convenience stores in southern states are reporting a record slump in both Coca-Cola and Pepsi sales, because outraged shoppers who mistakenly refer to all carbonated beverages as “Cokes” are unaware of any distinction between the two.
8 Comments
Think Pepsi should push for America the Beautiful to be sang in the language of Native American Indians – Wampanoags – People of the Light,
Think Pepsi should push for America the Beautiful to be sang in the language of Native American Indians – Wampanoags – People of the Light,
In the (rejected) ad for RC Cola it was sung in Spanglish, Ebonics and Redneck.
Brilliant!
Any employees need to move go to http://www.statetostatemove.com
This action by Pepsi is despicable. It is absolutely un-American. What they did and are doing is worse than singing America the Beautiful in different languages. What small, small minds these people have as well as their followers. I will never hold a pepsi product in my hands again. I am a proud Coke drinker and will remain so. Pepsi, you blew it.
that is the most stupid thing I have heard in a long time.Putting that many people out of work.Pepsi is the one who allowed the song to be sang in different languages.I dont think it should be sung in any other language but american english but there is no sens in firing so many people,unless it’s a ploy.
It’s funny that people think this is true. sounds like you all have been trolled!