Report: Fayetteville’s Vampire Population Rose Sharply In December 2014

FAYETTEVILLE – A new report published by Washington County Health Services this week states that Fayetteville’s vampire population rose sharply in December 2014.

The population of Fayetteville was reported to be 78,960 in 2013, but that statistic didn’t take into account members of the undead who called Funky Fayetteville their home.

In November 2014, the population of vampires in Fayetteville was estimated to be 200, but that number rose to 2,000 in December 2014, an increase of 900 percent, the report states.

Being the third largest city in Arkansas, Fayetteville has a sizable number of humans for the vampires to prey on, but that’s not the main reason for the sharp increase.

Due to the extreme lack of sunlight in December 2014, vampires found the home of the Razorbacks to be an attractive target. They were able to walk around during the day and attack others without worrying about being set on fire by ultraviolet rays, the report states.

In the month of December, sunlight was only recorded once, according to local meteorologists.

Fayetteville Mayor Lioneld Jordan released the following statement on the report:

“There is absolutely no reason to think that the increase in vampires means an increase of danger. I’ve told Chief Tabor to increase patrols, and all police officers are now being equipped with garlic necklaces to offer extra protection.”

Fayetteville Police Department Spokesman Craig Stout said although the vampire population increased, the number of deaths from attacks hasn’t shown much change.

There aren’t any ordinances banning vampires from residing in Fayetteville city limits, so long as the vampires do not engage in any homosexual activities. However, some members of the city council have proposed new rules that could force all vampires to register into a city database.


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Report: Fayetteville’s Vampire Population Rose Sharply In December 2014