Sunday’s Follow Up March in Little Rock Draws Huge Crowd

Sunday’s march around the Capitol building in downtown Little Rock drew a record crowd today according to officials. The march was organized as a follow up to Saturday’s women’s march.

This one officially called The March to Make Straight Caucasian Males Great Again, and was aimed at restoring the rights of white males that have been stripped away over time. Official estimates put the crowd around 3.5 million people for the peaceful follow up protest.

“The turnout was huge, I guess between three to three and a half million people. Really impressive when you consider there are only 2.9 million in the state,” official organizer and fiddle entertainment Senator Jason Rapert tells us. “It was such a glorious turnout. I think I heard the women’s march only pulled 25,000, it is clear where our values as a people stand.”

Photos from the event show a much smaller crowd, an estimated six people and one pit bull, something the senator quickly dismissed. “When the media photos were taken many were simply hiding in the bushes when the photos were taken, or around the corner enjoying our free Metamucil station,” Rapert responded.

Because of the event being held on a Sunday, the timing of the event was carefully planed to allow marchers to attend after most early traditional church services concluded and before the lunch buffets started. Something protesters today wished would have been considered at Saturday’s rally.

“My wife dressed up in purple and attended that awful thing yesterday. Because of the start time I had to fend for myself at lunch,” protester Earl Macon Carter tells us. “All I could find was a frozen hot pocket that has been stuck in the back of the freezer since the 90’s. It was vile but I needed something to take my midday pills with. That is when I decided to march today. All these equal rights have taken away from my rights to a fresh bologna sandwich while I am watching Matlock reruns.”

Police say that protest for the most part were peaceful, however one was arrested for raking and trying to burn a small leaf pile on the Capitol lawn. No injuries were reported.


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Sunday’s Follow Up March in Little Rock Draws Huge Crowd