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Buffalo River Found to Contain Extremely High Levels of Cheap Beer

Arkansas Game and Fish officials are reporting that recent tests show the Buffalo National River to contain extremely high concentrations of low quality beer. The study on the river’s water quality comes after reports of fish and wildlife acting erratic along several popular stretches of the river.

The river is a popular destination during summer months with thousands rafting and floating every single week. A large percentage of the river goers bring large amounts of low quality beer to the river to drink as they drift down stream.

“It appears that a large portion of the beer brought into the river is being spilled while people are on the river,” the Game and Fish commission’s spokesperson Stephen Alexander tells us. “One beer here, another one there is not that bad. When you have hundreds of people spilling beverages, losing entire ice chest, and even at times just pouring beer out for fun, it starts to add up.”

Signs of the growing problem began last weekend when hundreds of fish were seen along the banks with discarded cigarettes in their mouth following a large out of season spawning period in the river. Later in the week a number of river turtles were seen walking in zig zag patterns and vomiting on the shore.

Water quality tests show popular portions of the river to contain up to 3.5% contamination of beer. Chemical analysis reveal the contamination to come mostly from lower quality brews from the Milwaukee and St Louis regions.

Biologists state that as long as the incoming levels of beer can be controlled the river should clear up after the end of the summer. Officials are asking river goers to consider using spill proof sippy cups while floating the river until after labor day weekend.

Greg Henderson

Greg Henderson

Owner/Publisher/Chief Fire-starter