LOUISVILLE, Ky – Hours after re-signing former coach Bobby Petrino, Louisville athletic administrators revealed his decade-long odyssey had all been part of an elaborate, top-secret undercover operation.
“It is with a sense of gratitude we welcome home our comrade from his long mission,” said Louisville Athletics Director Tom Jurich. “Our program owes a debt we can never repay. Bobby is the single most humble and selfless man I’ve ever known.”
Upon hearing the news, throngs of elated Cardinal fans filled the streets of downtown Louisville in a spontaneous celebration.
While details of the subterfuge were not immediately disclosed, Jurich admitted that Petrino’s coaching positions with the Atlanta Falcons, Arkansas Razorbacks and Western Kentucky Hilltoppers were all a part of the elaborate ruse.
“Thanks for the memories, suckers,” Petrino said.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, a source within the Cardinals organization said the secret mission involved the gathering of highly detailed information on teams in the NFL and SEC, including sensitive organizational, logistical and financial information.
According to the source, Petrino’s single season with the Hilltoppers of Western Kentucky was deemed necessary in order for Louisville to establish plausible deniability prior to re-hiring Petrino.
With the Louisville program moving from the lowly American Athletic Conference to the BSC-level ACC, Petrino’s clandestine efforts are already having a dramatic affect.
In addition, sources close to Jurich say the AD has recently taken steps to place an agent at one of the most prestigious programs in the country.