As the Arkansas Legislature prepares to convene next week for a bi-annual fiscal session, many Arkansans are wondering if it’s wise to accept federal money to provide insurance coverage for the state’s low-income families. I want our state legislators to do what’s right by their constituents, especially those of little means. For this reason, I hope they vote to end our socialist nightmare and kill the private option. And since lists are the best way to impart vital information, here’s a list reasons why come.
1: Our Proud Heritage
Like so many Arkansans, I am mindful of our state’s glorious heritage. Underpinning our sweet cultural bouquet is the musky scent of poverty. We have a long, proud history of poverty in the Natural State. I know most Arkansans fear that insuring these people might somehow lift them out of poverty. And where would Arkansas be, then?
Arkansas is currently ranked No. 5 in the Poverty Top 25. Standing between us and Numero Uno are several other red states – Texas, Louisiana, Alabama and Mississippi, to name a few. If our hard-earned 15.9% poverty rate were to drop just a few percentage points, we might find ourselves standing shoulder to shoulder with such liberal crap holes as California (13.2%) and New York (14.5%). No thank you!
It’s a race to the bottom, people. And in this race, the private option is like putting a drag chute on your Nascar. Only a liberal would do that.
2: Healthy People Are Liberal People
Apparently the fastest way to turn a proud red-blooded conservative patriot into an environmental liberal sissy is to give him access to a doctor. Study after study shows that the traditionally blue states have significantly higher healthcare participation, which directly translates to longer and healthier lives. So it’s no surprise that our conservative paradise ranks among the states with the highest rates of smoking and obesity and heart disease and teen pregnancy. And why shouldn’t we? We love our country more than those commie lovers on the coasts. If we expand insurance for low-income families, what’s next? A Democratic governor? Yeah, right.
3: It’s the Christian Thing to Do, Duh
Affordable health insurance is a poor substitute for prayer. I hereby propose a new constitutional amendment to have Arkansas public school teachers demonstrate to our children how they can pray smarter, not harder. And speaking of education, can we please get some armed educators in our schools while we’re at it? If guns and praying can’t fix it, it don’t need fixing.
4: Underprivileged Children
Admit it, they are really kinda cute, right? With those big, teary eyes and that little bit of dirt smeared across their face. Hey Obama, get your damn hands off our cute poor kids!
Everyone who ever went to public school in Arkansas can tell you that if the government pays for something, it’s socialism. Worse, once you embrace socialism, you might as well send off for your Al Qaeda ID card and members-only turban.
6: Freebies Are Cool, But Not That Cool
Yeah, I understand that 100% of the funds come from the federal government. But why should we be forced to accept Federal funds? When poor folks get hurt or sick and go to the emergency room, Arkansans alone should shoulder the cost. That’s what you call pride, man. We got this! All those school days missed by sick children. All those work days missed by poor parents. That, my friends, is how you build character.
In conclusion, Obama.