Russia Requiring All Athletes to Pass “Gay Test” Before Being Allowed to Compete at the Olympics

SOCHI, Russia – The Russian Olympic Committee today announced that all athletes for the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi are required to pass a basic test for homosexual tendencies.

The test is an effort to enforce a national law that bans homosexual “propaganda” targeted at minors. The law has received a large amount of scrutiny leading up to the Olympics. Russian President Vladimir Putin appeared to back off enforcing the law recently, saying homosexuals will not be arrested at the Olympics. Putin however clarified the remarks with the announcement today.

“We will not arrest homosexuals for attending the games,” Putin said. “However athletes are highly influential people to the events, so we must prevent them from entering in order to keep our young minds free of corruption. We are instituting a steel curtain against homosexual athletes at the games.”

The test will require all athletes to look through photos of attractive members of the same sex while connected to a heart monitor. Any athletes that show accelerated heart rates caused by stimulation from the images will be barred from the games.

For continuous monitoring of the athletes the Olympic committee has installed dual toilet stalls throughout the athlete village along with 24 hour monitoring systems.

“We will monitor these special stalls throughout the Olympics,” Putin said. “If anyone shows any sign of enjoying this situation we will immediately remove them from the games and they will forfeit any medals won.”

Russia also announced additional steps to remove homosexuality from this year’s Olympics. The Olympic rings will be shown without the traditional rainbow style colors, officials have also removed the 2-man bobsled event from the games.

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Russia Requiring All Athletes to Pass “Gay Test” Before Being Allowed to Compete at the Olympics