PYONGYANG – Reports indicate that several hundred thousand North Korean citizens took to the streets overnight to mourn what they describe as the “hopeful death” of leader Kim Jong Un.
The highly visible leader Mr Kim has not been seen in several weeks, causing some to question his health. Earlier today Kim missed a key ritual honoring the Worker’s Party of Korea, causing most citizens to believe that the well-respected leader was no longer living. Once word began to grow of Kim’s death residents began pouring in from all over the country to express their sympathy and respect for the potentially fallen leader.
“I am so excited that f*$% (expletive removed) is dead! It is a party,”one clearly distraught North Korean citizen tells us. “Now hopefully we can live in peace and enjoy a better life with the possibility of a new leader who respects the citizens. This is the happiest day of my life!”
North Korean State Media says that initial estimates indicate over five hundred thousand citizens have come to express their gratitude for Mr Kim’s brilliant leadership allowing for the continued prosperity for all North Korean citizens. Kim is especially respected for his work to prevent oppressive dictatorships such as the US and South Korea from invading their lands.
The exact cause of Mr. Kim’s death is at the moment unknown. Sources tell us that a recent ankle injury left Kim unable to run from a large pack of wild dogs who have chased the leader for nearly a year. Reports say that after Mr. Kim’s uncle was fed to the pack of dogs they developed a strong taste for members of the Kim family, frequently trying to attack the leader.
Some citizens, however, are holding out hope for the missing leader’s return.
“Please don’t let him be alive. It would be the biggest letdown of our lives, “a group of young women in Pyongyang to mourn the leader tell us. “I know there is still a chance he is alive, but please don’t let it be so.”
Korean government officials say that if reports of Mr. Kim’s death are true they will hold elections later this month. The democratic elections will allow voters to select Mr. Kim’s sister, Kim Yo Jong, in a fair election in which she is the only candidate.