Big Piney Creek Deemed Safe After Weeks of Hipster Contamination

DOVER—Sources confirmed on Sunday, June 15 that the level of hipsters in the Big Piney Creek swimming and camping area in Pope County has decreased to a safe level following the recent Creekfest events at the end of May. While the hipster level is not harmful to swimmers or campers, numerous locals have affirmed that the event affects the small towns near Piney Creek, including Dover, Hector, Appleton, Pleasant Grove, and Pelsor.

Creekfest is a music festival that occurs in Piney Creek that offers a relaxed atmosphere for 18-30 year-old Arkansas residents, a majority of which are college students. The festival attracts many young people who are commonly referred to as “hipsters,” or hip twenty-somethings with affinities for alternative lifestyle and fashions. While the festival offers profits for convenience stores and camping amenities nearby, locals often complain of the noise and disruption that occurs during the festival.

Fisheries and Wildlife students from Arkansas Tech University have begun testing the water in Big Piney for levels of contamination deemed harmful for recreational use. Immediately following Creekfest, when hipster contamination levels are at their highest, the creek gets tested frequently for traces of Pabst Blue Ribbon, ironic mustaches, kimchi, and Sriracha, among other contaminants found in water inhabited by spectators.

Student Emily Winchester, 22, a junior at ATU, said for sources, “So far the contamination levels are manageable and should go back to normal in time for summer. We still have to check the soil for harmful levels of American Spirits or Parliaments, but they’re normally safe enough.”

As of this writing, the hipster levels in Big Piney are low enough to ensure safety to swimmers and campers. Winchester had no comment on E. coli test results.

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Big Piney Creek Deemed Safe After Weeks of Hipster Contamination