Shaun White Salvages Olympics With Epic Door Prize
SOCHI, Russia — Hours after failing to medal in his signature event, American snowboarder Shaun White found out he was a winner after all. The former gold medalist was the …
Vladimir Putin Voices Support for Copenhagen Zookeepers Who Slaughtered Giraffe
Russian President Vladimir Putin is standing by Copenhagen zookeepers who senselessly slaughtered Marius, a young giraffe considered unfit for breeding, and fed the body to lions in front of zoo …
Atlanta to Build a Wall Around City to Protect from Future Winter Weather
ATLANTA – In a special meeting last night the Atlanta city council approved plans to build a 64 mile, 48 foot tall wall around the city to protect against future …
Bode Miller Attributes 2014 Olympic Success to High Quality of Russian Vodka
SOCHI – USA downhill skier Bode Miller appears to be on track for his most successful Olympic competition to date after the final men’s downhill training run on Saturday that …
Source of Unexpectedly Large Snowfall in Little Rock Identified
The source of an unexpectedly large snowfall across central Arkansas appears to come from toys from the movie Frozen left outside the Rock City Times headquarters during the initial snowfall. …
Stray Dogs Steal and Destroy American Opening Ceremony Uniforms at Sochi
SOCHI – Officials with the USA Winter Olympic team have confirmed that their opening ceremony uniforms were stolen by a pack of stray dogs while moving into the Olympic Athlete’s …
Study: Netflix Customers Spend 817 Hours Per Year Looking For Something to Watch
BALTIMORE — In the first study of its kind, researchers monitored the Netflix usage of 24,400 subscribers and discovered a startling statistic: the average user spends over 90% of their …
Pepsi Responds to Controversial Coca-Cola Commercial by Firing Multilingual Employees
PURCHASE, N.Y. – Just days after Coca-Cola drew criticism over a controversial “America the Beautiful” Super Bowl commercial depicting the patriotic song in a variety of languages, Pepsi has announced …
To Appeal to Younger Fans, Super Bowl to be Played With Party Balloon Helmets
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ — Noting a general lack of interest among pre-teens, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell today announced Super Bowl 48 will be played with helmets crafted from balloons with …
Sick of ‘Quitter Talk’, Goodell Awards Super Bowls 49-60 to Anchorage, Alaska
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ –NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell surprised reporters this morning as he announced plans to hold the next 11 Super Bowls in Anchorage, Alaska. “Contrary to recent media reports, …